I am in a long-term relationship and I know how easy it is to forget about it. It is beautifully said that routine is sneaking into a relationship. Is sneaking in?
Routine – a black charakter, crafty, agile and sly, who doesn’t do any but watch if any slit appears on a bubble of our beautiful, happy life, full of unicorns – then it breaks in and wreaks everything? As if it was an excuse for lack of commitment. It is sad and pathetic, because it’s not a routine that steals from us everything that is the best in our relationship, but we throw it out into the trash, and we forget that “to live yourself you have to give yourself.”
Do you remember how it is at the beginning, when every little detail matters? You want to look nice, smell nice, talk and be funny, have ideas and care about your opinion.
Why do I hear so often that after all these years it’s not the same!? And after marriage, everything changes. Yes, it changes, but why should it change for worse? After all, it’s wonderful when you can wake up next to the person you love and say “Good morning, honey”! It’s free, but ask yourself when did you have recently greet your man like this? In a longterm relationship, everything you cared about, when you met each other is now doubly important, and all the little steps that I described in “How to be a better person” have even more uses. When did you say something nice to your partner? Oh, I got you! This is not obvious. Just as you expect compliments, he also needs to hear something nice sometimes.
You appreciate sincere and direct communication, but in this meaning, you don‘t think how direct or even brutal can be the way you comunicate with him. It’s easy for you to be unpleasant, because you don‘t need to have any brakes. With him you feel confident, so why should you analyze what you want to say. Why to play with unnecessary decorations? Usually in a stressful or difficult moment, you say whatever comes to your tongue, and then … most often you regret it. It is worth stopping the quarrel. Say “I’m sorry, but I need to cool down, I don‘t want to talk in anger.”
Or maybe it annoys you that he spends long time in the garage than with you. Were you wondering why he was doing this? Did you push him for that? Perhaps his garage and his colleagues allow him to enjoy the common passions. Perhaps he would like to tell you about them with enthusiasm that would allow you to accept it. I wrote before about sharing passions, which will allow you to spend more time together.
Respect his limits and he will give you back much more. Remember that not every party is for you. Sometimes there are male issues for which the wives shouldn‘t get involved. And vice versa. By the way, don‘t imagine thad bad things happen during this type of meetings or other situations. You would like him to trust you, show him your trust.
When engaging into a relationship, we must realize that we accept a person, a man, with the baggage of experience, thoughts and a already shaped character. We can work together on perfecting the relationship, introducing new ideas and changes, but you cannot expect that it would happen immediately.
Treat yourself with respect and courtesy. I react like a bull when I hear “my old man”!!! What is that supposed to be ?! It doesn‘t matter that a person close to you may not hear it, it only tells about you and your attitude to him. Please, Thank you, I‘m sorry are the magical words that are worth applying in everyday life, and in the privacy of your home.
Turn off the TV, computer and all kinds of diffusers. Talk to yourself. Lack of communication is the first step to problems. When you stop talking normally, sharing your observations and problems with yourself, I guarantee you that the breakup of the relationship is only a matter of time.
You expect from him, a coffee to bed, flowers, invitations to the movies, dinners, etc. You can do it too. Don‘t look for excuses. The relationship is the path of two people who in their actions have a desire to care for the other person, because it gives them the greatest joy.
Finally, I would like to add that there are no perfect relationships. I’m definitely not the perfect wife. I know exactly where and when to stick a pin to make it hurt. I am often a spoiled princess, a nasty witch in conjunction with a vengeful bitch.
However, I think that our relationship is successful. Because in many situations it is worth just letting go.
Now go and do something nice for him 😉