– It’s OK, calm down, everything will be fine. Don’t cry. Crying will not help you anymore.
Do you know this type of consolations?
Since I recently brought some people to tears myself, I decided to share my reflections.
For many, the situation in which someone cries, is awkward and very undesirable. They completely don’t know how to behave, and what’s even worse, the call more tears by repeating “don’t cry” all the time. This gives the opposite effect and it is usually much harder for the crying person to stop.
It’s just like falling asleep. The more we want to fall asleep, the worse it goes 😉 Do you know it?
The intensity of our relationship with a person has a significant impact on our perception. Other feelings and behavior will be towards the wife, husband, child, brother, mother or co-worker. However, there are some interesting remarks that are worth exploring.
Our internal impulse to act, the desire to do something to help a person, calm down, is usually very strong. However, we should remember that it will be best if we don’t put additional pressure to the atmosphere ourselves. We should relax and let one get picked up by himself.
I will give you some advice on what to avoid when being in the company of a crying person. For sure, one should refrain from trivializing – “Come on. It’s nothing. It’s not worth crying for it / him / her. There is no reason to cry! “ Beware of consolation too – “It’s OK! Everything will be fine!”. The problem will not disappear. And this type of consolation is like repairing the printer by disconnecting the power cord that is responsible for displaying error information, without having to find the cause of the error.
People don’t understand that at extreme times crying plays a cleansing and therapeutic role. I mean negative and positive events. Separation, unexpected dismissal, death of a loved one, accident, humiliation or rejection is just as shocking as an individual range of positive emotions such as winning a large amount of money, positive information, promotion, achievement of the desired goal, etc.
Recently I heard the wise words: “When tears are flowing, something important happens.”
The founder, leader and main theoretician of Re-evaluation Counseling, Harvey Jackins, believed that the best way to help the other person express emotions is the question of thoughts. His theory says that when someone even calms down at least a bit, “What thought has allowed you to cry out?” In 99.5% this will cause another wave of crying, but will significantly reduce the level of stress. Harvey proposes a change of questions. Instead of: “How do you feel?”, Ask: “What are you thinking about?”. This practice is also used among therapists.
Crying is a natural process that gives us time to enter a new phase. Therefore, the best way out of a crying situation is to let yourself cry out.
A few minutes of crying may seem like an eternity, however, I have a comforting fact for you: Crying always and eventually ends.